Latest Drugs Confessions:

 

22880 - Three or four years ago I started a relationship with a female friend. She said no when I first asked her out, that she didn't get the point of dating, but I tried to convince her. Eventually she said yes. I should have respected her initial response. That's strike one, but it gets oh so much worse.

Things weren't working out. We were too different and she was clingy all the time. We had started to live together and were fighting constantly, but I couldn't just tell her to get out.

I met someone else... She was in a similar situation. It was amazing how much we clicked. We never physically cheated, but we took solace in each other. I wanted to date her. I tried to be honest with her about my feelings, I tried not to push her to break up with the other guy despite how he treated her. I did everything I could to help her relationship... But I think I just made it worse. I broke up with the first girl. She broke up with him. We started dating. Strike too. Not too bad so far.

I had put so much energy into her I had become borderline neurotic. I'd been in some abusive relationships in the past, and I had wanted this for so long... I second guessed everything. Her and myself. I wasn't thinking or acting clearly. Maybe we lost what we had. Maybe if I had just been myself we would have still clicked, but who can say? I was too busy worrying to even propery interpret and offer for sex. She tried to explain this to me when she left, but I just couldn't accept it. I had always told her I'd be there for her. I said I'd stay as long as she wanted me to. I thought I meant it. I thought I was being honest. I didn't want to face the fact that I was acting differently, and that for whatever reason our connection was gone. I convinced myself she just didn't want to talk to me about why she was leaving. I decided I didn't need that in my life. I abandoned the only person I ever cared about more than myself and maybe the closest thing to a good relationship I'd ever had. Strike three. Getting worse.

I had to move after a room mate stole money from me. I had to quit my job. My family life was terrible. I couldn't get over her. I went full crazy. I harassed her for a few months before finally stopping, but even then things weren't okay. I fell into drugs and drinking. I asked the original girl out again just because I was lonely. I brought her down with me. I stole, both from her and others. I dealt drugs on more than one occasion. I used her for sex. Never maliciously. These things... You always convince yourself that's not what you're doing at the time. I thought maybe I really did want a relationship with her, but I was unsure. I lied. I stole. I used. I cheated. For a year I did nothing but disrespect and hurt her. She probably spent at least a couple of thousand on me... She was so generous. So kind. She could be so vicious, but who couldn't when you're dealing with someone like me. I even stole from a dealer of sorts, and while I didn't mean to, I guess I used her to do it. ive nearly been to prison. I've had gins pulled on me. I could be dead right now. I wish I were.Strikes four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and ten. I was a junkie and an abusive asshole.

I know it's not all so black and white. I know she had things she was guilty of too. Often when we fought I tried to calm her down while she hit and yelled. She once threw my cat into a wall before punching me. I couldn't hit her back. I never was the type to hit a lady. I always thought I was so nice growing up. Everyone else did too... But I'm unstable. I'm unbalanced. And when I'm good I can be so good, but when I'm bad I'm a monster. I hurt those people and several others in my life more than I can ever imagine.

She left. Several people left. Who can blame them. I don't. Since then I've been trying to get my life together. Go back to school, got a job, be more honest with myself and others. I've been getting over the second girl. I quit the addictions. I went on medicine for depression and anxiety disorder. something that ive dealt with my entire life without admitting it. I even started to give what little extra money I could to the poor...

But those people can never forgive me. Maybe even more importantly, I can never forgive myself. I wish every day that being a good person now could erase what I've done, but I know it never can. I have to take responsibility for it. Nothing can undo the things I've done or the person I would. Not even a life time of perfection.

I would give everything I have just to be forgiven. I would give it all just to be able to forgive myself, but that's too much to expect, I know. A person like me doesn't even deserve death. I deserve to suffer in the hell I've made for myself. One of guilt and regret.

Unfortunately I can't even do that right. I don't intend to be here much longer. Maybe it's the easy way out, but I've seen what I can do now. I know how terrible I can be. I can't live with that any more.

 

22073 - Im a white man in a long term straight relationship. Every so often I give in to my urges to snort a bunch of cocaine and watch interracial porn, because I love how fantasizing about sucking big black dicks and having my mouth filled with hot cum makes my brain tingle.

 

21636 - Tonight my girlfriend and I are going to do some drugs which always make her extremely horny. I've been ready all day, and once it kicks in, as always, she'll suck me for literally hours. No matter how many times I finish, and she'll always swallow. We do this at least once every two weeks. It's just a huge suck fest for her, and I get to lay back and enjoy it.
I can already feel her mouth on me.
I can't wait.

 

21359 - So my wife of ten years one day comes to my work, she brings cigarettes and much love. She was being to nice and she had supposedly been taking her friend to apply for jobs. She always had a meth problem and we both had a pill/opiate problem but we were functioning parents of two wonderful children also. So... That day she came by as I mentioned above she asked (Do you mind if I go to Shelly and Tim's to score my shit?) Her shit was meth. I didn't care for these particular dealers cause they were addicts and both crazy!! But she always did what she wanted any way even after I told her no. So she ends up going with my cousin who is a heroin addict. I talked to her and said I wasn't comfortable with what she was doing. She never came home till the next day. And I find out she started shooting the shit when I got home from work. I was worried sick and just Leary of her. She changed as soon as she put that needle in her vein. So.. That day she leaves again cause she said she didn't feel like home was home no more! And that she was hanging out with this guy she swore was gay! She said she felt sorry for him and wanted to help him out! I tried to get her to stay but she was high as a kite! And she was determined to leave. So shes gone for about a week. Within that time were beefing it real bad just telling each other hurtful things. I was trying to get her to come back but also try and work on us! But it was to late. On the day I got paid she asked to come home so I said come home. She cried and told me she loved me and I took her back. I'm wearing my heart on my shoulder this week trying to help her come down and giving her mad love and attention. In fact her mom took the kids for three days so we could try and get her sober and. About that time she said she cheated on me with the guy she swore was gay. I was in shock. Of course I wanted to kill her I began to attack her but she stopped me with a passionate kiss. And she began to give me oral sex. After that we ended up having sex that was awesome. But I told her to get out right after. So she went to stay with her mom. Shes texting me all this stuff that she loves me and that she wants me back. She says shes dying inside without me. Our kids are staying with me at this point BTW. So I'm a sucker and tell her to come back. She admits she had been cheating for about a month. And she admits to sharing needles with multiple partners. So shes back another couple of days and on the day she gets paid she takes off again! She was supposed to go to a clinic to get tested for AIDS and hep c and whatever else is needle or sexual transmitted. She end up going to do that and gives me some story that the guy she was with was involved in some illegal stuff! I mean I'm hood so when I say illegal I mean like mafia! So the guy is a snitch and people are looking for him and cops are following this guy cause hes a protected snitch for some reason. She has to go for a couple of days she says. Anyway she had to take her vehicle to get worked on in a different town, where her uncle lived. And she ended up just getting paid and going to score again. So I told her get out!! I gave her the crappy car that we had bought. And she ended up going off to a different state. She even lied then. She said she was alone but I know my wife she can ever ever in a million years be alone. She has major issues with it. So shes still bugging for money and I find out shes with that guy. My buddy was recording his wife's conversations. And her And my wife talk so a conversation got recorded that I heard her saying that she was glad she doesn't have to be with me and that she was gonna try and work her charm on me to get money to score again. And money to get to the state she was trying to get to. She screwed us all over and did the kids and I dirty! Shes very manipulative Ive learned and Ive learned she might be scitso. Cause sometimes she calls and says that she wants me back and wants to be happy together again. And text me sexual stuff that's like real dirty Like she wants to suck me till I cum in her mouth. And she gets very jealous. I had a fling too. With this girl from my work. Which was good I never knew I could score chicks that hot. And bang em on the side. It's a good life lately since then I've had about a handful of flings and there good and all but I think I want a girlfriend! Heres the question???? I really like this girl! And im sure she likes me. But she has a boyfriend or husband! I don't know for sure. I know my wife and I actually drank with them one time for one of our mutual friends party. I remember this guy was a dirt bag cause he was jocking my sister. My sister told me. And I actually saw him just checking her out. Everyone saw him checking out my sister. Shes married to my brother in law by the way. I'm thinking if she want to cheat on her man with me that's cool but im confused. I just don't want no more drama. If she has a man. This is the exact same way I met my wife too!!